How to Bore Me Silly

Start talking about your garden.

Seriously.

I know it is all the rage to have a back yard garden. In fact, “I grew it in my back yard” is the new “It’s organic” (And the “It’s Organic” people have made me want to stab myself in my eye, and theirs, for YEARS).

But Seriously.

I grew up on a farm. We usually had a garden in our back yard, my grandmother had a giant strawberry patch up in the hollow, and there was always corn and hay planted in the fields that have to be harvested on the hottest days of the year.

I still can recall, innately, the smell of tomatoes being canned and sauerkraut being pickled – or whatever you do to it to make it sauerkraut – in the basement. It haunts me.

Picking and subsequently stringing beans is boring, hard work. Tilling, de-rocking, and weeding a garden sucks. Walking behind the tractor picking up all the corn that missed the wagon is not cool or hip. And patently uninteresting.

So excuse me if my eyes glaze over while you start telling me about the latest yummy creation that you made from that single heirloom tomato planted in a clay pot on your deck. It is not that I don’t care; it is that I am attempting to suppress a gag.




And truthfully, I don’t care.